BIRD WILLIAMS: You’re listening to Bird Means Business Episode 34. 

It's so happy. I just love the music. I actually listen to the music before I record. And I just start dancing because I love it. Anyway, Hello! I am so glad you're here. Thank you so much for really taking time to invest in your business, and in yourself. Y'all know with these episodes, I like to make it about the holistic business owner, because you're not just your business. It's important that, along with business tips and such, you're actually checking in with where you are personally so that you and your business will really thrive. Each time you make time to tune into the Bird Means Business podcast, you're learning and growing. And what could seem like small acts of consistency, don't really pay off big when it comes time to launching and growing your business. 

So before we get started, I want to share a listener a shout out. I haven't done this in a while. But it's actually someone who I've shouted out before. Her name is Kimmie, and she is a fashion designer, and she owns Kyra Unfltd. And y'all. I recently had an event that was Great Gatsby themed. And if you know anything about my life it is incredibly busy and all over the place and the last thing I really want to do right now is stress over what to wear for this Great Gatsby themed event that I had to go to. And I'm the person who forgets that piece and then shows up or like last minute doesn't realize that I needed a whole outfit and I'm the one that doesn't look right and I mess up the whole vibe. So this time I was like, instead of being that, putting myself in that position. I am going to proactively reach out to her about creating something custom for me. I had gone to Amazon, searched for Great Gatsby dress and it was just all these different random things and again, I didn't even want to have to look through and pick out. I was like, let me go to Kimmie. And, y'all, it was beyond what I thought it could be. And she's this super young entrepreneur, but just so passionate and so precise and she cares so much about the end product and the clothing and I love her. And on top of that, she's always encouraging me about the podcast. Even in our fittings, she would say, “Ashley, I learned so much and it's been so helpful.” So I just want to thank Kimmie for being awesome at what she does. But then also for tuning in and always encouraging me along the way. So thanks, girl. 

When it comes to your business, you don't have to do it all either. Okay, maybe that was a little cheesy. I'm trying to tie that into the episode title. But you don't have to do it all really. I was recently on a strategy session with this beautiful young lady who is crushing it in her business and growing her business very rapidly. And we had a great session. We had our follow-up call and she was like you know I really want to do this once a quarter. You see, she's super talented at what she does, her specific talent. But she wants to have someone with a business perspective, help keep her aligned and grounded and focused, and really just to have someone to bounce ideas off of. That's wisdom. 

She was just saying, you know, I should do this once a quarter to really make sure that I stay on top of things and I was like, that's a great idea. How you move forward with this is that you just go to birdwilliams.com/consultation, and you will be able to book your first session right there on the web page. You'll be able to fill out the contract and pay the invoice and you'll receive an email, or you're going to be able to then go in and book our first session. So that's kind of how that process works and I really just wanted to share it with you guys because again it ties into what I'm talking about today and I'll get more into that a little bit as well, in terms of leaning on people as you navigate this process. 

So we're talking about doing it all and what that means. So I get this question all the time, a whole lot. How do you do it all? And in short, the answer is, I don't. I don't do it all. First, let's frame the question. What I think people mean is, how do you run these three successful businesses, two of which are very new and have fun happy family and friends and community? You see those memes. Like you drink enough water. You text everyone back. You're on top of it. And, like I said I don't. I don't do it all. And I rarely have time to give my full answer so I figured I would on this episode. 

I have five points, the first of which is, it's not perfect. And I know. I know you know. Of course, you don't think that I have a perfect life. But I feel like sometimes I really have to say that because I think sometimes people just don't really get it. For example, the other day I was sharing something in passing with someone about how Terry and I got into an argument. Terry is my husband if you don't know, and we've owned a business together for years, now seven years. That wasn't even the focus of the conversation but I mentioned that we were arguing and she was like, “Whoa whoa whoa! Y’all argue? I can't even imagine what it would look like for y'all to argue.” And she was like legit surprise that we argued, us a married couple. Two humans. Two different people coming together. She was like, “I can't believe y'all argue.” Yeah, like how would we get through all of this without not agreeing sometimes? Now, do we curse each other out and throw things? No, of course not. That's not how we do it. But we definitely don't agree and get into heated arguments sometimes. I say that to just explain that despite how you may perceive things, no one's life is perfect. And I try my best to be very open and transparent about our imperfections or even my imperfections as a business owner. So, I just want to make sure you know that any perfect seeming person or family out there, is not. 

And it's the same with businesses. No businesses are perfect. I know you know, but you got to really know. There are times that I have to remind myself to practice what I preach. For example in Episode 33, we talked about like the mid-year check-in and one of the main points was staying on top of your quarterly business plan review. I haven't been perfect with that. With everything you're trying to do and trying to juggle as an entrepreneur, you have to give your very best. I do my best. I try to be intentional with it and all of that. But I have to also give myself grace and say sometimes I'm not going to be able to do it perfectly and that's okay. Okay, so number one is, it's not perfect, in terms of doing it all. And it's important again to stress this because I don't want anyone out there thinking that something's wrong with them if they aren't doing things perfectly okay. 

Number two is it takes intention. So when your life is nonstop, which it will likely be at least initially when you're launching your business. It is so important to be intentional about everything. Your schedule, your priorities, all of it. I'm actually going to talk more about this with my husband Terry in an upcoming episode in a few weeks. It is a good one, We actually just recorded it and I know y'all are gonna love it. But when it comes to being intentional, basically things aren't willy-nilly. I write everything down. I block my schedule. And you might think when you hear that, well what about spontaneity or what happens if there's an emergency, this place may feel like I'd be locked in a box. But you know what I find? I find that there's space for all of that when I'm intentional about my routines and my day-to-day. It's like, it provides structure that is actually freeing so I'm not stressed about fitting in the things that kind of have to happen. This sort of intentionality helps shape my boundaries. So number two is being intentional about your schedule and your priorities. That's how I do it all or not, you know what I’m saying. 

Another thing real quick is saying no. Y'all, I used to really struggle with this. I have a lot of things I still struggle with. I've gotten better with this. But I'll never forget a friend of mine. She's one of those friends, like people in my life, my close friends know this about me. I make sure to tell them I'm intentional and telling them about this when I have a new friend that I don't need ‘Yes’ men and women around me, not in close proximity. I need people who are going to tell me what it is and this friend of mine, her name is Megan. She did this. I was having an issue with basically scheduling lunches with people. I know that sounds really random. But this is when we could meet in person and hang out, you know, you remember that? Well, there would be people that would say, hey I want to do lunch, hey I want to do lunch, and it got to a point where this is what would happen. I would say, okay, great when works for you. Me being me, I literally pulled my phone out and tried to schedule it. Because the way my brain works is like oh let's just get it on the calendar. You know what I mean? Like, let's make sure we just make it happen. But let me just be honest. It was most of the time people needing me, not like it was going to benefit me as well. It wasn't a two-way street. It was really like people needed me, which is okay, in a container. And okay to an extent. But not okay when your whole schedule is being filled up by these lunch meetings that are draining basically. I don't mean for that to sound harsh but that's what it had become. And this friend who loved me, basically said, “Ashley when someone asks you to go to lunch or have lunch. Let them be the one to reach out about scheduling the actual time. You don't have to whip out your phone right then. Or you can even say no. You can say no I can't right now. I have a whole lot going on in my life, or my schedule or whatever it might be. Or I'm really focused on something right now. But in a couple months, I'll have more free time.” And y'all would not imagine how hard that was for me to say. It felt rude. It felt dismissive. And in my heart is to really help people. But man, she brought up such a good point which was, “Ashley, if you say yes to everybody, then you're actually saying no to your husband, your kids, your self-care, your other friends who need you. When you're stressed and strapped, you're not able to really give the close people in your life what they really need either.” So when you shape it that way it's like okay well it's important for me to again be intentional, say no, have containers for things having to change or shift or adjust. Of course, if there's someone who comes to me and I can really help them, and it's time-sensitive, and I feel right about it. Of course, I'm going to just jump in and help. But it doesn't have to mean every single person who asked for that can just automatically get on my calendar. So that's just a practical tip. All right. Number two is being intentional about all of the things. 

Number three, focus on your core competencies. Y’all, there are things that I'm good at and things that I am just not good at. Instead of trying to learn how to be great at 20 things I learned to just focus on the two to three that I'm naturally wired for and focus my time and energy there. A great example is like deep cleaning our house. See, the thing is, I actually enjoy cleaning. It's super therapeutic for me. And even as a kid, my chore was laundry. I don't know, maybe that's why. But when I say cleaning. I mean, I liked like basic tidy up, wipe counters, kind of organized, do the laundry, do the dishes. But not cleaning toilets and dusting or even vacuuming. And so about a year into running our first business, we hired a cleaning lady. And honestly, it feels weird to call her a cleaning lady because Matilda's been like a part of our family now for years. She's come into our home and made it such an amazingly comfortable place to live and I cannot tell y'all, the feeling that I feel when I come into our house with it smelling all good and looking all clean moments before my kids pull out every single toy in the house and destroy it all and destroy the vibe. But when she cleans. Oh my gosh, it makes me feel so great. Y'all what would take me an entire Saturday to do. She can do it in a few hours and then I'm able to use it extra time to really focus on the areas in my business or in my life where I can add more relative value. 

So once I shared an IG story and it was like a video of my kids dancing with a guitar in their underwear or something. That's how we roll over here. And this mom who I believe is an entrepreneur as well. She noticed that the lines in the carpet were all perfect because Matilda had just come but she didn't know that. And she tells me, “Oh my gosh, girl. How do you do it all? I can't get my lines that straight?” I didn't know what she meant at first. And then I realized and I was like, “Girl, I didn't make those lines. We have someone come to the house and clean every other week. And she just began to say like, Oh my gosh, really? She's saying how much she wishes she had help and she's wanted to get help with the house for years but she's kind of felt so bad and guilty and conflicted with admitting it and asking her husband about it. And honestly, I understood. My grandmother cleaned homes for decades, and she even taught us how to clean. Me and my sister. She was that Grandma, that every time we went over to her house, there was a cleaning project for us. It was like dusting and all the things that I said I hate. And whenever we brought Matilda into her home. I thought like what would Grandma think about me having to have someone clean my home for me, and do the deep cleaning. And I ultimately just settled with wanting to believe that she'd be happy that I kind of found my lane and have more time to take care of other things in my life since I didn't want that to be my focus. 

So, when it comes to focusing on your core competencies, it’s also like putting aside pride or limiting beliefs or control or wanting to do it all because you basically can't. You can't do it all. And it will break you. So sometimes we have to really wrestle with that internal dialogue. But ultimately, the point is that you're going to come out on the other side stronger and more clear. 

Okay. Number four, lean on your team. So, there will come a point in your business, when in order to really grow, you'll have to add on to your team. That might initially look like a virtual assistant, or depending on the business maybe a general manager. But at some point, you're going to need to add on to your team in order to really take off and go to the next level. And when that time comes. Let it go, let it go. Okay, I didn't plan to sing on the podcast, but I have been watching way too many kid movies during quarantine. So there is that. But really, it’s going to be hard to hand over to someone areas of your business that you've poured your blood, sweat, and tears into. I know this because I was in that position. But you will need to allow and empower other people to help you if you want to quote-unquote do it all. You can't do it all. You have to lean on other people. 

In Episode 31 with Sahar Paz, we talked about having a board of advisors and how powerful that was for her business. 

You have big dreams. So don't think you can do it alone. Which leads me nicely to my last point. It takes a village. This is number five. I have a fun story to tell you. So me and my husband Terry, when our honeymoon flight from Punta Cana landed back in Houston. Terry and I had a text from my mother. And guess what it was? Pictures of a tricycle and a dollhouse. My first thought was like wait a minute mom just had a group text because that was already weird. She had figured some things out. But my second thought was, this is so random. So I called her, and she explained to me that these were for her grandchildren. Thing is, we didn't have any kids, we weren't trying to get pregnant, we were coming back from our honeymoon, and we ultimately didn't have kids still four years later. And as you can imagine, those four years we were constantly being asked about her grandchildren. Let me tell you. One Easter, we went to her house for Easter and she had made Easter baskets for our unborn children. Yeah, not weird at all. I remember asking her something like, “Mom. What do you want me to do with these like I'm not taking them home?” There was one for a boy and one for a girl. Real, true story. So she has always wanted grandchildren. Before they were ever even born, she asked me, she said, “Ashley, Terry, whenever y'all do have kids, can I keep them once a month?” This was what she wanted. And you know back then we didn't really think much of it. We were like, sure. But now. Oh my gosh, it is a dream. We call it Nona weekend. And when we explain it to other parents that we don't have our boys with us for an entire weekend because it's Nona’s weekend. And this happens every single month, one weekend out of the month. They look at us like we've just told them a miracle because it kind of is a miracle. Now on the other side of it being a parent, I'm like, that is huge, right? To have your mother, someone that you can, trust that loves your kids so much, keep them for an entire weekend of the month. So we have Nona weekend. 

So again, when I'm thinking about how people are like, how do you do it all. I'm like, I don't, I have so much help my mom, and also my aunt Bessie and my dad help out a lot at the house with keeping the boys once a weekend. And now in quarantine that's been a lot more. They've actually helped a whole lot more with the boys during the week and I just could not be more grateful. I think of them as a part of my squad and my team because I could not do what I do without them. So you may be thinking, Well, great for you but my family doesn't live close. Or, I just don't have that setup, and that help. Here's the truth. If I didn't have Nona weekend or if I didn't have as much help from family, I would adapt. That's what we do, right? As humans and as entrepreneurs we adapt. So take a look around you at the people in your life and you know the people I'm talking about. Those who say, hey, if you need any help, let me know. Or, I'm happy to babysit to give you a break and then actually take them up on it. Like, don't try to be Superwoman or Superman. Actually, just accept the help. And that's so hard and I understand as a mom, it's like, you want to do it all. You want to protect your babies. But there will be times when you feel right about it. And you'll know the difference between don't really feel right about leaving my kid with that person. And I just want to hold everything in my control. There's a difference, right? So just be self-aware and honest with yourself about where you are and lean into the help that people are screaming at you, like, “Let me help. Let me help.” Actually, let them help. All right? 

So, in summary, might look like me or other people, quote-unquote, do it all. But we don't. We have help. We are intentional. We say no. We lean into our village. We focus on our core competencies, and we are not perfect at any of it. So release whatever is holding you back or telling you why you can't do something. Because those are lies. You can be intentional. You can say no. You can lean on others and so on. And as always, you will know your girl Ashley is rooting you on. 

All right, so what I want you to do is, I want you to think about what it is that you are working toward in your business. And I want you to get a game plan together in the sense of like, what are my ideas, what are my needs, what are my questions, and then let's chat about it. And this is no strings attached. It's just a consultation call between me and you, where I can kind of see where you are and help you navigate your entrepreneurial journey. So go to birdwilliams.com/consultation to schedule our call. And y'all when I see it come through, like the notification in my email, that you booked the consultation call. I'm going to do a for real, like in the moment, happy dance whether I’m in my car or walking around or whatever. I'm going to do a little happy dance because I'll know that you're one step closer to figuring all of this out. Okay? 

If you know an entrepreneur or an entrepreneur-to-be who maybe has an idea or a side hustle or a hobby that they want to turn into a business and they need to hear this. Share the episode with them. And also be sure to subscribe on Apple Podcasts so you don't miss an episode. All right? Talk to you all next week.